A new microwave needed amid cash flow crisis

This way we will should be well fortified when the financial markets start crashing in the next 12 to 18 months.

However, we've struck a snag. It's our microwave oven. Like the Australian economy, it's tanked.

Years of neglect by its owner have taken a dreadful toll. It now looks like the nuclear reactor at Chernobyl after the disaster in 1986 (spoiler alert, we've been watching the mini series).

This is serious. Given our complete lack of skill as a cook, the microwave plays an integral role in this correspondent's ability to prepare meals. Basically if there's no microwave, there's no dinner. If there's nothing to heat up, there's nothing to eat. Such is life at Struggle Street.

Just go out and buy a new one, we hear you scream. Well, it's not as easy as that, for as explained, most of our hard earned is now hidden away as defence against economic Armageddon. So we have a bit of a credit squeeze at the moment (we think that's the right term).

Fortunately, we have a plan. Everyone should have a plan.

We're going to start a GoFundMe page in an bid to secure enough cash to replace our microwave.

This is all about culinary freedom, an inalienable right, you must understand.

Those of us who can't cook are among the most marginalised in our society and we are constantly picked on by elites. Not having a proper functioning microwave only makes an arduous life even more demanding.

Now, we have no idea how much a state of the art microwave might cost. However, if the funds from our GoFundMe page exceed the amount, fear not, the excess will go to a worthy cause - we'll probably buy a carton or seven of Asahi Super Dry or something similar.

Details of the GoFundMe page will be released soon. What we'd like is a reputable organisation to kick the show off with a sizable donation.

So does anyone have the contact number for the Australian Christian Lobby?

We're sure they'll be happy to come on board to support a worthy cause.