ONCE upon a time, when television was in black and white, there was a popular show called The Fugitive.
If memory serves us correctly, the plot concerned a Dr Richard Kimble, who was falsely accused of murder. There was also something about a one armed man, who may have done the deed, or something.
The point of all this is that we now know what it's like to be a fugitive. For we're being hounded by people or peoples unknown regarding crimes that we haven't committed. Seriously, one day last week we received four calls where a recorded message told us we were being investigated by the taxation department or some other official sounding group for misdeeds. It was all very concerning.
Later we were contacted by text, no less, where we were informed about problems surrounding our PayPal account. This shocked us, mainly because we didn't know we had a PayPal account. In fact, we have no idea what a PayPal account even is. One of the calls, we later discovered, was from Halls Gap, Victoria.
Halls Gap, we Googled, is a village known as the gateway to Grampians National Park, an area famed for sandstone mountains, wildflowers and wildlife including echidnas and wallabies.
Sounds picturesque, but hardly the place you'd expect an organisation charged with tracking down tax cheats, or should we say, alleged tax cheats. Maybe they're big on decentralisation in Victoria, which wouldn't surprise, because their premier, Dan Andrews, sounds like a pretty smart bloke. Naturally enough the recorded message asked us to supply all our banking details.
However, the days since have been fraught. Are we heading to the Big House for tax avoidance? We'll be in the same league as Al Capone.
We always thought we paid our tax. We're not mathematically clever enough to file our own tax returns so we hire a tax consultant. We're not mathematically clever enough to count to 100, so obviously filling out a tax form is not in the equation.
Our tax consultant seems an honest enough type, but then again, they all do, don't they?
We shall endeavour to see him soon, especially if these recorded messages from the tax department, or wherever, continue.
We've also been searching for the necessary receipts to show we're not a tax cheat. So far all we've come up with is two vouchers from some pizza place and a docket from a bottle shop. Will the taxation department accept them? Incidentally, tax department people, the pizza vouchers are still unused (this is not an attempt at bribery).
Still, there is some good news. When all this COVID madness finally subsides (or when we get out of jail for not paying tax) we plan to visit to Halls Gap, Victoria. It sounds like a nice place.