Not for the first time, Struggle Street is under siege.
More than a quarter of a century ago this correspondent moved into the inner city slum. Since then we’ve encountered plagues of biblical proportions.
Mice, ants, cockroaches, army worms, mango devouring bats, Jehovah Witnesses – they’ve all had a go at attacking the place at some stage or another. Struggle Street has been like London during the Blitz at times.
And it seems as soon as one invader is defeated, another arrives at the doorstep. It’s another Game of Thrones.
Now we’re facing another potential catastrophe. Struggle Street has a couple of resident rabbits. Yes. Rabbits.
We think there’s at least two rabbits rampaging around our back yard. We may have failed biology at school, however, we know enough about these things to realise that two rabbits can quickly lead to a population explosion. Struggle Street is facing the dire prospect of being overrun by waskly wabbits, to borrow from Elmer Fudd.
We are at a complete loss to know what to do about this problem. However, we are concerned that Struggle Street’s verdant lawn and gardens could soon be savaged once these ravenous rabbits (resident rabbits, waskly wabbits and now ravenous rabbits – we’re on a roll here today), start on their path of destruction.
Myxomatosis we hear you say. According to the scientific journal we subscribe to “myxomatosis (sometimes shortened to "myxo" or "myxy") is a disease that affects rabbits, caused by the myxoma virus.’’
So how do get hold of this myxomatosis, or myxo or myx? Is it available at Aldi? And how do we go about ensuring our rabbits catch this deadly disease?
And what if that doesn’t work. These rabbits look to be a hardy lot and we’re already suspect they could be resilient to myxo. (Add resilient rabbits to the list now). Where do we then turn? Does MidCoast Council have a rabbit catcher? If not they should have. Or should we buy some ferrets? Pastures Protection? Does that government department still exist or has it been a victim on Coalition razor gangs?
There are so many questions and as of yet, so few answers.
This could well be Struggle Street’s greatest crisis. We go to bed fearing we’ll wake up the next day and find Struggle Street overrun by rabbits. The time to act is now.
So we hope to have our Struggle Street Rabbit Extermination Plan (SSREP) in place soon. For this is a war that we have to win.
Myxo, ferrets, whatever, strong action will be taken against these rouge rabbits (on fire, honestly, we’re on fire). In the end there can be just one result. Struggle Street’s rabbits will be made redundant.
Yes, redundant rabbits (it's a gift we tell ya, a gift).