Taree's Olympic bid

Greater Taree City is going to make a shock bid for the 2020 Olympic Games.

While there is concern at the lack of suitable infrastructure in the area to hold an event the magnitude of the Olympics, city officials are confident they can come up with a viable plan for alternative sports to replace those more traditional Olympic pursuits.

“Do we really want modern pentathlon, badminton, judo or synchronised swimming,’’ a member of the bid team whispered to this correspondent.

Planners are already working out how to use some of the area’s natural features when designing courses for the various sports. They believe this will usher in a new era for the Olympics.

Some unique events will include:

o The pothole long jump. This will be a breath taking exercise sure to thrill purists. The world’s best long jumpers will attempt to leap some of Taree’s longest and deepest potholes. Kanangra Drive is already being penciled in for one arenas while any part of the Bucketts Way before the Gloucester boundary is sure to be another.

o The pothole triple jump. See above.

o The pothole 1500m swim. Grant Hackett is rumoured to be considering a comeback for this one. The thrill of seeing the the world’s elite distance swimmers completing three laps of one of the gaping chasms in Commerce Street is sure to get spectators in a frenzy. This could be one of the highlights of the games. However, a wet season will be required to fill the pot holes. In fact a monsoon might not go astray.

o The pothole triathlon. A swim, cycle run through designated pot holes along Murray Road – the ultimate test of stamina and pushbikes.

o Orienteering around the Chatham roadworks. This will start and finish at the Manning Hotel, with experienced competitors expected to negotiate Chatham’s many detours and return to the hotel by the time raffles start on a Thursday night. Winner will get a gold medal, a free schooner and $10 worth of raffle tickets, which may or may not go into the draw (depending on whether an Australian medals or not). Organisers scoffed at suggestions the works would be completed by 2020.

There are plans to scrap the marathon, because too many runners would be lost down pot holes.

“Instead we’ll include an endurance event that will test the very survival skills of the entrants,’’ a spokesman explained.

“They’ll have to attend every day of the Old Bar Festival. It’s had flooding rains, violent storms, searing heat and an ultralight plane crashing into a ferris wheel in the past couple of years. Anyone who can get through that deserves a medal.’’

To appease Upper Manning residents, there are plans to turn one of the Marlee potholes into a velodrome for the cycling events. Another may host the opening and closing ceremonies.

Of course the 2020 Olympiad will cater for traditional sports.

“The boxing and wrestling will be in Wingham on a Friday and Saturday night,’’ a bid member explained.

Rowing will be in the lime quarry at Chatham, providing a deal can be struck with the owners.

The committee is also hoping to work the Johnny Martin Oval into the program.

“It’s going to be difficult, unless mindless vandalism and graffiti is an Olympic sport by then. Why, we might even get a local gold medal winner if that’s the case,’’ a committee member confided.

Getting into the spirit of the bid, this correspondent has suggested the fencing be held at Struggle Street; mainly because we need a new fence.