My Shout: Local Government election campaign gathers momentum

THE mood was tense at the latest Team McDonald brain storming session as planning for the September Local Government elections (SLGE) gathers momentum.

“We need a platform,’’ the newly appointed campaign director (CD) announced.

“You can use that table over there if you want,’’ one of the Team McDonald volunteers replied.

The campaign director sighed.

“This is going to be more difficult than I thought,’’ CD muttered.

The CD then explained to the gathering (consisting of the mayoral candidate, two people he owes money, one homeless person who wandered in thinking it was a soup kitchen and a representative from the Australian Hotels Association) that the campaign needed to focus on policies.

"We just can’t go blathering on about Making Taree Great Again. It just doesn’t wash,’’ the CD added.

“Neither do most of the people in this room,’’ the mayor candidate joked. (He wasn’t really joking).

“We could tell the punters we're going to increase rates so we can fix the roads,’’ the candidate then suggested.

The CD was astounded.

“Only a complete political novice would champion a rate rise,’’ the CD replied.

“Someone who it totally out of touch with the community.’’

“How about Martin Bridge,’’ a volunteer put forward.

“Martin Bridge? The ex-footballer who runs the sports store? He can’t even back a winner for his syndicate, so he’s no good to us,’’ the CD responded.

“No, that’s Gary. The Martin Bridge in Taree – it needs painting but it’s going to cost 500 billion dollars or something. We could say we’re going to paint it,’’ the volunteer explained.

“Excellent idea. We’ll run that next week. Great pic opportunity too,’’ the CD beamed.

“How about the Cedar Party Bridge at Wingham,’’ another ventured.

“We’ll paint that as well,’’ the candidate chipped in.

“No, council’s talking about building a new one. It’s generating a fair bit of fake news up Wingham way. We need to make a comment soon,’’ the CD said.

“We’ll announce a new bridge for Taree – to be named Bridge McDonald – while we’ll relocate the Martin Bridge to Wingham, replacing the ageing Cedar Party Bridge,’’ the CD continued.

“Then we’ll build a wall around Wingham,’’ the candidate interjected.

“Loves building walls, this bloke,’’ the CD whispered.

“But that’ll cost squillions and would never happen. We’ll get to the end of our first term and nothing will have changed,’’ a volunteer wailed.

“So we’ll announce it again before that election. Ensuring nothing gets done… that’s the Local Government way,’’ the CD smiled.