Campaign to change culture of domestic violence in the Manning Valley

Stacey Northam works on the front line in the war to change domestic violence culture in the Manning Valley. She is a member of the Manning Valley Domestic and Family Violence Committee and works to empower victims in her role with Catholic Care Social Services Hunter-Manning.

On Friday, November 25 Stacey and other committee members will be at Taree City Centre to promote White Ribbon Day - Australia’s campaign to prevent men’s domestic violence against women. They will display t-shirts painted by women that reveal the dirty laundry of domestic violence in words and images.

Stacey says the committee is embracing the opportunity to connect with the community and keen to change community perceptions about the reality of domestic violence.

“It could happen to anyone. People accept there is a grooming process with sexual abuse but it also exists with domestic violence.

“If he hit you on the first date you wouldn’t go back. Perpetrators are often charming. They have good qualities, they can be kind, loving, when they are good they are very good and when they are bad they are very bad.”

“I’ve never a met a man who is proud to be a perpetrator of domestic violence. This is not perpetrator sympathising but the biggest thing that needs to change with domestic violence culture is that the accountability needs to be put back on the perpetrator.

“We need to stop her from being targeted for the choices that someone else is making.”

Stacey works to try to empower women who are victims of domestic violence.

“These women are beautiful women who have had their sunshine beaten out of them, sometimes literally in every sense of the word.

“It’s important to empower them to see that sunshine, to help them to realise that it’s amazing that they have been able to survive and keep their babies safe – they are still alive and that’s a strength that we need to credit. They know that man, they know the way he shuts that car door if it’s going to be a good afternoon or a bad afternoon.

“I’ve had women say, ‘I knew by the way he put his wallet on the bench and the kids knew too’.”

Stacey says victims of domestic violence are “stripped of all self-worth during the grooming process.”

“It will impact on all areas of her life and it is generally a wearing down that erodes her self-worth and isolates her from family, friends and the community.

“He may get in her ear about family and friends and suggest they don’t have her best interests at heart, he may say ‘oh you’re always on the phone to your mum or your friends’ and make it an issue so that every time they ring she knows there will be fallout. In time she will just stop answering the phone and she is now isolated. How do you leave when you’ve lost friendships, family and your support network?

“Victims need support and it’s the strongest message and it’s the White Ribbon message, we need the culture to change around victim blaming and domestic violence.”