If you’re contemplating a move to one of Australia’s dazzling capital cities you may have to adjust your outlook on life and temperament to thrive as a city slicker.
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There is a lot of practical advice out there on what it is like to make a “tree-change” to the country, but little investigation into being a country person moving to the big smoke.
1. Real estate prices
You will probably cry the first time you attend an inner-city auction after you realise all those extra zeros aren’t a mistake. Sydney’s house prices are among the most eye-watering in the world, and the other capital cities won’t exactly make you jump for joy either.
Living in a studio apartment without a parking space or proper airconditioning can cost as much as a four-bedroom house with a pool in the sticks. Even moving to a city’s outer suburbs means spending a lot more for a lot less space, whether you’re renting or buying. This can hurt a bit if you think about it for too long.
2. Driving in the city is a nightmare
You can be in a car for 20 minutes and go absolutely nowhere. Even if you know 100 per cent how to get somewhere you can get stuck in the wrong lane and have to do a crazy and time-consuming loop around. Staying calm in bumper-to-bumper traffic requires a kind of inner peace only monks have. Also, as Jerry Seinfeld has probably asked, what’s the DEAL with all these one-way streets and no right turns?
3. And parking is even harder
Once you’ve finally arrived at your destination you’ll have to pay a small fortune in coins to a parking meter. But you can only stay one hour and then you need to do laps around the block until you find another spot, which is probably 20 minutes’ walk away. Trying to interpret the parking signs is a whole other skill set, and you’ll walk away with the unsettling feeling that your car might not actually be there upon your return.
4. Nights out are very different
In country towns a typical night out starts early because everything closes early. Usually you go to the same pub with almost the exact same crowd, most people wear thongs and you can order your favourite extremely cheap drink all night (goon sunrise, thanks).
Moving to the city, though, it’s not hard to end up miles away from where you started, listening to a band playing music in a style you didn’t know was possible. At clubs after midnight it’s easy to make three new best friends, each from a different country, and choose from 25 different craft beers and way too many expensive scotch blends.
An important side note: learn the different names for glass sizes across the states, for example it’s considered offensive to ask for a “pot” in New South Wales.
5. Act normal in front of your neighbours
I hadn’t thought about this until moving into a row of inner-city terrace houses, but it’s important to be very aware of who can see through your window when you’re naked. Similarly, waking up to construction sounds instead of birds takes some getting used to, and other people’s kids are really cute up until they start screaming next door.
In one of the first chats I had with my neighbour, he told me: “I just got a new speaker system, it feels amazing.” Later I found out what he meant by “feels amazing” – the shaking floors actually became quite soothing.
6. Nobody knows who you are
It may be a cliche, but the idea that “everyone knows everyone” in a small community rings quite true. This can be a downside when it comes to dating and you open up Tinder only to find two of your exes and your best friend’s older sibling.
With that in mind it can feel strange walking through giant city crowds and accidentally brushing against sweaty people on trains and nobody knows anything about you. It can take work to build up a strong support network around you in a big place.
7. So many ways to spend all your money
Coming into summer there is guaranteed to be some big event on every weekend from night markets, to all kinds of gigs, sporting matches, fun runs, outdoor cinemas, wine tastings, and days on the beach.
All the activities on offer in the big smoke can be heavenly for social butterflies, perhaps once stifled by sleepy towns, but after paying for rent, petrol, parking and unexpected nights out you might not be left with as much spare change as you would have liked to enjoy them.