For there are many worries. Falling attendances at mass and within the ranks of nuns and priests. Claims that the church is no longer relevant in the 21st century. Tony Abbott.

“We need something... anything to turn around the church’s fortunes,’’ a council member emphasised.

“All the young people are defecting to Hillsong. Money’s tight and our weekly collections are way under budget.’’

“We need some divine intervention,’’ said another.

Then inspiration hit them collectively. It was an Act of God.

“What we need,’’ they declared.

“Is a Zebras Reunion.’’

So it has been deigned that in four short years, there will be a blessed gathering of the aforementioned Zebras. For those few who maybe unaware, we’re talking about the Zebras Junior Rugby League Club here - a ecumenical force the likes of which will never be seen again.

Zebras were once the powerhouses of the Taree and District Junior RL back in the golden days of the Catholic Church. Trained to the minute on the flint-hard schoolyard at the former St Joseph’s Primary School/Our Lady of the Rosary High School in Wynter Street, the Zebras cut a swath through teams of protestant non-believers from Taree, Chatham, Wingham and beyond.

However, there were so many fine Zebra sides chock full of talent and spirit. Too many in number to possibly get together in the one venue. Catering alone would be a nightmare, unless loaves and fishes were available.

So the parish council has decided to mark one of the holiest days - Saturday August 18 1976 when, at the field now known as the Jack Neal Oval, Zebras won no less than four grand finals – under 12s, 14s, 15s and 16s. They were runners up in another couple of grades as well, but we won’t worry about those losers. The under 16 premiership was particularly meritorious, as the wholesome and God fearing young Zebras smote the Goliaths from Chatham Cundle 7-5. There was much rejoicing throughout the land. A bit too much rejoicing in fact, for a few of the young Zebras failed to make it to religious duties the following morning, citing headaches and nausea, possibly from concussion.

A synod will soon be formed to start organising the festivities, for, although the reunion is four years away, there is much work to do. As would be expected, the Zebras will offer the hand of friendship to their vanquished opponents from those four decades past. Any Chatham Cundle player out on parole will be made most welcome.

The venue for this religious celebration has yet to be determined. The Vatican was suggested but the cost deemed to be prohibitive. So it’ll probably be at the Poplars Lounge (aka The Waterfront Room) as this also holds great spiritual significance to many of the players, given the amount of spirits they imbibed there in the old days.

“This will put the c back into catholicism,’’ the council members beamed.

So mark down August 2016 as a month of religious reawakening. Don’t be surprised if a Papal Visit is held in conjunction for someone has to say grace. Just as long as he kicks in for the altar wine.

In nòmine Patris, et Fìlii, et Spìritus, as we sometimes say.