POLITICAL parties looking to formulate a dental plan for the upcoming federal election should look to the model used by the Israelites.
No, not the Israelis. The Israelites as feature so heavily in the bible's Old Testament.
This is based on historical fact. For this correspondent has taken to watching The Bible. It screens on NBN of a Tuesday night after that dreadful Big Brother.
Now to be fair, as far as quality TV viewing goes, The Bible would almost be as bad as Big Brother. It's a terrible show and what's worse, we know how all the storylines are going to end.
But for all that we've become a devoted follower. Perhaps all those years of purgatory attending Catholic schools is finally catching up with us.
We clearly recall all the major biblical players, Adam, Eve, Cain, Able, David, John the Baptist, Fred Nile, Moses and of course, Jesus Christ - we can we humbly say this is the first time Jesus Christ's name has appeared in this space and that's no doubt a career highlight for him.
And back to dental hygiene for the thing is, all of them, or at least according to the tele series, had immaculate teeth. Not only immaculate conceptions, but immaculate teeth as well.
We have no idea how many times they brushed in those long ago days, but there's not a rotten molar in sight. It must have been positively blinding when they all smiled.
On the other hand their enemies are usually a brooding, ugly, bad tempered bunch with black stuff under their eyes. Not only did they worship false idols (to borrow from the 10 Commandments), but they obviously didn't believe in flossing either, for their teeth are uniformly bad. That's something they didn't teach us back at St Joseph's Primary School, which is a shame.
And they could all knuckle as well. We've seen countless battles in The Bible over the last three weeks and the Israelites all seem to be punching above their weight. They appear to be heavily outnumbered before they head into every scrap, whether it be against the Persians, the Philistines, the Melbourne Storm or even the Romans, but they always seem to come out on top.
No-one ever seems to lose a tooth during the melee either and this was way before mouth guards were invented.
And they were an attractive race as well. Every one - from Eve through to the Virgin Mary - with their blonde tips and perfect completions was a crackerjack sort, or so the TV series would have us believe - and as if a TV series would take liberty with the truth.
However, there is a problem. Jesus made his long awaited debut last week in appropriately dramatic circumstances.
Now this correspondent knows nothing about acting. We didn't even appear in school plays - our sole thespian attempt was feigning sickness to get out of a maths exam in year eight. We didn't get away with it and subsequently failed the test. In retrospect pretending we had bubonic plague was probably a bit ambitious.
So we don't really have the credentials to be a critic.
Yet despite having all the best lines it would appear to us that the bloke playing JC is a dud. We've seen National Party politicians with more charisma.
Of course he does have dazzlingly white teeth.
We watched The Bible last night and we'll be tuning in next week. It's trash. Still, it's better than Big Brother.
And thank God for that.